Reflection

It's been a year. One full year since I was preparing for a semester abroad. 12 months ago I really didn't know what to expect. I hadn't seen pictures and I had only heard bits and pieces of what I was to experience. And anyways, everyone's take is different so I wasn't even sure if I wanted to think about it too much. So I packed and hoped that it would go smoothly, knowing that with a faithful God to rely on, no matter the experiences, the adventure would be good. Overall, it was. It was good, it was beautiful and life-changing, but the joys cannot minimize the fact that there was hardship. Reading through my blog allows me to remember how I was feeling at the time, separating the emotions that are in my memories from the actual emotions that occurred.

Today, I finally took the time to read through my blog and reflect a bit. It's been almost 8 months since I arrived back in the US, but they are two different worlds in my mind, so I just haven't been able to connect them too much. I've wanted to read through the blog and just write to get some words out, so that is what I am doing now, with no a particular agenda, except to just allow my heart and mind to process and reflect. I hope in writing this you may be able to learn, relate, or just start to understand how many people feel (or maybe just me) after cross-cultural experiences, abroad.

I started with the last blog post, so I was reading from last May. Most of those posts consisted of teacher-student interactions and more memorable moments or what I thought might be interesting to the outsider. As I read, vivid memories full of strong emotions were brought back to life. I had forgotten so many of the ways my students loved me. I had lost the notion that the teachers and principal really cared and appreciated me. I am satisfied when I think back to my teaching experience, but sometimes I forget really how joyous it was. I remember how draining and hard it was, but because the students I taught and the people I interacted with are not in my North American life, I started to forget how much I loved spending time with them and just how much I loved that time in my life.

It's as if I lost the intimacy and personality and just remember it as the experience or the business. Am I now experiencing my study abroad as an outsider? Have I reduced my passion so that it was tangible for those I was to share it with? Even if I can't live it, should I really just move on or remember it forgetting so much of the cultural context?

It is the anecdote that allows me to remember it was real. I was there. I was loved and I loved. None of it is imagination and my ecuadorian friends and family are real friends and family in my life; in my life today. I have an ecuadorian sister, and I have a biological sister. I have parents who raised me, and I have parents who raised me for 4 months, through sickness and much more. Sometimes it is important to let these truths sink in.

As I read through my posts, I wanted to note a few revelations:

Their family became mine. One of first blog posts talked about visiting "their extended family."
Two months later, a blog post talked about where "my extended family" lives.

It seems so short. As I read through my posts, it went by so fast. I'm not fully sure what this signifies. It could be because I didn't post everyday. It could be because the posts hardly portray all that really occurred, when I know so much more. Or it could be because it was short. Four months in a foreign country can feel so long, but yet it was short. If I did math quick enough, I would tell you the minuscule fraction that those four months represent in my life. Or maybe because it's gone.  It already happened, so it's just the past now. Some combination of these and more, makes my semester abroad experience in a blog seem very short.

It is real. I already touched on this, but reading through made me remember so much I had started to forget. The stories and the way I told them, resurrected so much that I thought was lost. It is real and I rejoice in that reality.

God carried me through that semester. I almost forgot how often I was sick. I almost forgot all the struggles that took place in order for Machu Picchu to go through. And I see how reading through the New Testament that semester enriched my overall experience drastically.

I was joyful through affliction. It was never that bad, but if I had maintained a poor attitude, it would have been. I lot of stuff happened, and much of it I didn't enjoy, but I was still happy. Sometimes I remember how dark and lonely that semester was, but I forget how joyful I was the entire time. Reading my posts I remember how I felt through the pain: not at all how I sometimes feel now thinking about the hardships. That is only the joy of the Lord. I believe that God kept me joyful with a good attitude and that is how I enjoyed life so much while I was there.

My spanish improved. Fewwf! That's something I get asked a lot, and I still have trouble claiming it. Reading through the blog, I saw errors in spanish that I made toward the beginning that I don't think I would make today (although this is true in English, too). I watched a video from the first night and remember how I hardly knew Spanish before I went! Yes, I knew phrases (thanks mama) and I knew some grammar (high school spanish) but it was a struggle to talk. Although I don't always claim that I speak spanish fluently, I know i improved so incredibly much, which is very fulfilling.

Disclaimer-sorry about the videos not working! I have no idea why they don't and I'm bummed about that!

Of course I am now realizing I don't have all day to reflect and I must go. But I am so glad I took the time to read and write about this. I'm sure I will probably look over this too and reflect even more. But this is it for today.

A year later, and 8 months since I got back. I have learned so much that I need to process just what I learned! Maybe a whole blog for that ;) I am eternally grateful for my semester abroad and know that I learned more than I will ever fully be able to comprehend.

Thank you to all (any) of you who read my blog and supported me through that semester! I appreciated it soooo much! All my love <3 xoxo besos y abrazos!! Cuídate ;)