Reflection

It's been a year. One full year since I was preparing for a semester abroad. 12 months ago I really didn't know what to expect. I hadn't seen pictures and I had only heard bits and pieces of what I was to experience. And anyways, everyone's take is different so I wasn't even sure if I wanted to think about it too much. So I packed and hoped that it would go smoothly, knowing that with a faithful God to rely on, no matter the experiences, the adventure would be good. Overall, it was. It was good, it was beautiful and life-changing, but the joys cannot minimize the fact that there was hardship. Reading through my blog allows me to remember how I was feeling at the time, separating the emotions that are in my memories from the actual emotions that occurred.

Today, I finally took the time to read through my blog and reflect a bit. It's been almost 8 months since I arrived back in the US, but they are two different worlds in my mind, so I just haven't been able to connect them too much. I've wanted to read through the blog and just write to get some words out, so that is what I am doing now, with no a particular agenda, except to just allow my heart and mind to process and reflect. I hope in writing this you may be able to learn, relate, or just start to understand how many people feel (or maybe just me) after cross-cultural experiences, abroad.

I started with the last blog post, so I was reading from last May. Most of those posts consisted of teacher-student interactions and more memorable moments or what I thought might be interesting to the outsider. As I read, vivid memories full of strong emotions were brought back to life. I had forgotten so many of the ways my students loved me. I had lost the notion that the teachers and principal really cared and appreciated me. I am satisfied when I think back to my teaching experience, but sometimes I forget really how joyous it was. I remember how draining and hard it was, but because the students I taught and the people I interacted with are not in my North American life, I started to forget how much I loved spending time with them and just how much I loved that time in my life.

It's as if I lost the intimacy and personality and just remember it as the experience or the business. Am I now experiencing my study abroad as an outsider? Have I reduced my passion so that it was tangible for those I was to share it with? Even if I can't live it, should I really just move on or remember it forgetting so much of the cultural context?

It is the anecdote that allows me to remember it was real. I was there. I was loved and I loved. None of it is imagination and my ecuadorian friends and family are real friends and family in my life; in my life today. I have an ecuadorian sister, and I have a biological sister. I have parents who raised me, and I have parents who raised me for 4 months, through sickness and much more. Sometimes it is important to let these truths sink in.

As I read through my posts, I wanted to note a few revelations:

Their family became mine. One of first blog posts talked about visiting "their extended family."
Two months later, a blog post talked about where "my extended family" lives.

It seems so short. As I read through my posts, it went by so fast. I'm not fully sure what this signifies. It could be because I didn't post everyday. It could be because the posts hardly portray all that really occurred, when I know so much more. Or it could be because it was short. Four months in a foreign country can feel so long, but yet it was short. If I did math quick enough, I would tell you the minuscule fraction that those four months represent in my life. Or maybe because it's gone.  It already happened, so it's just the past now. Some combination of these and more, makes my semester abroad experience in a blog seem very short.

It is real. I already touched on this, but reading through made me remember so much I had started to forget. The stories and the way I told them, resurrected so much that I thought was lost. It is real and I rejoice in that reality.

God carried me through that semester. I almost forgot how often I was sick. I almost forgot all the struggles that took place in order for Machu Picchu to go through. And I see how reading through the New Testament that semester enriched my overall experience drastically.

I was joyful through affliction. It was never that bad, but if I had maintained a poor attitude, it would have been. I lot of stuff happened, and much of it I didn't enjoy, but I was still happy. Sometimes I remember how dark and lonely that semester was, but I forget how joyful I was the entire time. Reading my posts I remember how I felt through the pain: not at all how I sometimes feel now thinking about the hardships. That is only the joy of the Lord. I believe that God kept me joyful with a good attitude and that is how I enjoyed life so much while I was there.

My spanish improved. Fewwf! That's something I get asked a lot, and I still have trouble claiming it. Reading through the blog, I saw errors in spanish that I made toward the beginning that I don't think I would make today (although this is true in English, too). I watched a video from the first night and remember how I hardly knew Spanish before I went! Yes, I knew phrases (thanks mama) and I knew some grammar (high school spanish) but it was a struggle to talk. Although I don't always claim that I speak spanish fluently, I know i improved so incredibly much, which is very fulfilling.

Disclaimer-sorry about the videos not working! I have no idea why they don't and I'm bummed about that!

Of course I am now realizing I don't have all day to reflect and I must go. But I am so glad I took the time to read and write about this. I'm sure I will probably look over this too and reflect even more. But this is it for today.

A year later, and 8 months since I got back. I have learned so much that I need to process just what I learned! Maybe a whole blog for that ;) I am eternally grateful for my semester abroad and know that I learned more than I will ever fully be able to comprehend.

Thank you to all (any) of you who read my blog and supported me through that semester! I appreciated it soooo much! All my love <3 xoxo besos y abrazos!! Cuídate ;)

(nice) knife encounters...

what happens when knives are in an elementary school in Ecuador (don't be alarmed, these are spendid silly incidents)

the first time: I saw la directora (principal) putting a large butcher/cake knife into her purse as she was leaving the office...strange.

Today, the 1st grade teacher left me with the knife/sharpener. All the kids were asking me to sharper their colored pencils, and at first I wasn't sure if I was doing it the best, but then....it was so much fun! SO I started sharpening everyone's colored pencils, until...it broke! :( The good thing about teaching in another language is when a word comes out that you wouldn't necessarily desire, especially for kids, they have no idea! fewwh. And when I apologized to the teacher about the knife, she was so sweet, "no pasa nada, esta bien?" (I still hope to buy her a new one!)

next time I saw a knife...today in the office when we were having cake to celebrate "el día del trabajo" as well as my farewell. La directora wished me luck and success and said I was a good person and she was happy for my time here. It was so sweet, and I understood everything, whew.

Then, one teacher, decided to cut and share the white chocolate decoration that was taken off the cake while cutting the pieces, the knife slipped and stabbed the cardboard and table. Luckily the glass table top wasn't damaged (and she almost let out a mala palabra as well hah...but in this case, we knew).

Okay my last encounter of these darn knives today, when the teacher was massaging her hand with a huge cake knife...again, strange.

So there you have it, today was nice and safe, full of knife encounters.

Wish me luck as I read a 15 page cuento of rich spanish literature. Si se puede....3 días más.

El día del trabajo

Happy workers day!! The only knowledge of this day I have known before is the worker protests, especially for latino workers rights. Well here, it's a much bigger deal. We actually get to celebrate all of our hard work, by getting a day off!

Happy May Day!! Something we don't have here-obviously-and something I miss. Remember picking flowers and making the paper holder for them? And then ringing your neighbor's doorbell (if you were brave enough) to deliver them flowers and wish them a happy may day?

Well it's great to have a break after only having one day this week, and getting ready for 3 more hard and last days. That's right!! This is my last week here in Cuenca. This is my last week of spanish literature classes (wahooo) and my last day of teaching my students English (booooo). This also means getting ready to say goodbye to my wonderful host family, friends, and beautiful culture, and a gorgeous city! I'm so sad to go. Yesterday my mom was saying "no te vayas" (don't go) and I said that I don't want to and I'm sad to be leaving. This is so true. So much of me wishes I could stay here for the summer and just teach English and live. But there is a HUGE part of me that can hardly wait to get back to the states. That's right I said it. I love the United States, this is for real. There are so many things I can barely wait for. Of course most of it has to do with the people, my friends and family, but to be back somewhere I know and were everything is second nature for me, wwheewww. I can only image how much I will miss Ecuador once I am back...I hope I'm ready for reverse culture shock (this is real, double D).

Today I started my day with a great run...okay maybe I should rephrase that. I think sometimes I forget that we are not at sea level...8,000 feet. It felt so good at first, and then the next 15 minutes....were hard. I do love running here, even though the altitude difference it hard, it feels so good, and I'm excited to see the difference at sea level.

Later, I got to skype with my wonderful friend Thirza!! It was so fun to talk with her and catch up. I also have a whole new appreciation of her English (she is from Switzerland), and we had fun talking about languages and all that good stuff. Then, I went to lunch with an friend, Laura, who is also studying abroad here. She leaves tomorrow so it was a goodbye see ya later lunch! We then bought some DVDs (shhh...) and I walked home, eating with zumir pink ice cream...when in Cuenca...

I am now on my way to Kari and Kendra's to worship together with their group! Wow, I'm so excited for this, I hope it's awesome :) And hopefully I will get some homework done later today, as the next 3 days will be insane! Thank you everyone who may be following my travels and praying. I can't believe it's so close to ending. Besos!!!

p.s. I will load some more pictures of my school and students soon, oh how I wish you could meet them all!!...but then you all might become English teachers, and we need you to keep doing what you do!

Some favorite teaching memories from the past weeks...

(previous week) 

...2 girls gave me rings to wear! 

...my first graders who were being very rambunctious (always the polite way to describe what you all know what I really mean) later all apologized to me during class later that day, with hugs.

...(while I was helping a teacher with her class) watching an anime version of snow white, dubbed over in spanish, as the students all moved their chairs  to the back of the classroom where I was sitting. We were all snuggled up, it was such a precious moment.

...dancing for 40 minutes with the students and taking the last 5 minutes to teach dancing and body words in spanish (I love finding out what the teacher has planned...)

...having a surprise birthday, where the class president cried as she walked in to her mom and all of us singing with balloons and streamers. Possibly their best part was their rendition of "habby bird-dea" in English. They were all looking at me excited, and I was singing too, and then I messed up, because they sang it differently!

(this past week)
...teaching my students "head, shoulders, knees, toes" whoever made up that song is genius...it perfectly shows the beauty in simplicity. I don't think I have ever seen so many kids so joyful and laughing so hard about something they are learning. The best was when some of them where falling over and there were piles of kids dying from laughter. Fire code much?...but we're in Ecuador!

...the moment where it was silent (for once) as I was writing something on the board and one boy awkwardly starts humming and singing nonsense words to the melody of "head, shoulders..." I could not contain that laugher...ya know sometimes you just got to let it out, can't pretend to think these moments aren't hilarious just because they are kids and we are adults.

...the many moments when my students repeat a side joke of mine or a question I'm asking them, and especially when they imitate me, I love learning to laugh at (not with, at) myself.

...the one girl who peaks in the office every day during our meeting/pancito&cafecito break and smiles shyly at me, while the other teachers just look.

...the moments where the students stand outside with me, not letting me get to the meeting, because they have so many questions to ask, and so many hugs to share.

...when the fourth grade teacher heard what I said about one more week, and repeated everything I had said again to the class because she was realizing that I really will be leaving. :(

...when a fellow teacher was talking to me and asking me if I have cuencano friends, one of my students who was standing near by goes, "Somos"(as he looked a little shy with a comforting smile). He was saying we are friends :) they really are my friends, I love my students so much!! (just because they whine about learning more letters in the alphabet, doesn't mean they don't like you!!)

...and everyday this week, walking away hearing the students yell "bye teacher" and "chao señorita," I wish it could be just chao and not adios.

With my second "B" graders :) 

(the one with his bad to the camera in white is the one who said they're my friends)

Saturday fun!

Before we get to Saturday....Friday: my host dad and I were driving and he goes "mira, las americanas." And since I know all americanas, I clearly knew them. I texted my friend kendra (a cool connection through Ryan and we go to the same church), sure enough it was her and Kari! So anywho,  Ryan and I ended up going out to dinner with them and their whole group. We had a fun night!

Now to Saturday :) Their group was going to baños and they were so nice to invite us too. Kendra, Kari and I ended up going to the nicer part that has spa treatments and mud baths, as well as the regular hot spring pools. We had an awesome time (except for maybe not so much on the ice baths) going through the spa treatments, exfoliating our skin, and covering ourselves in mud. We spend 5 hours there! And I think the minerals got to us... Then hung out at Kendra's and watched the changeling (good movie). Then we had a great dinner with the backstreet boys and her wonderful host family. It sure was a good day. Here are some pictures from baños:

Piedra de agua: spa day :)

After the steam room, as if we had already been swimming.

First "treatment, good for your bones"

Letting the mud dry, in the sun :)

And then we were black! 

The steam boxes, hah!

More hot and cold pools.

Finishing off with the warm pool..."or you can repeat the whole process over..." what!

I'm really thankful for this time and how the Lord made this all work out. Kendra and Kari are both from the Chicagoland area, and they live just a few blocks away from me, here in Cuenca! Remember when I asked for Christian friends? Thank you :) Of course we had to come to Cuenca to meet, rather than in our own city ;)

Photos with my families :D

Walking through Mall del Rio with my family! That's my niece Camila and my host dad.

Out to dinner with my friend Ryan (other student who stayed for an internship, from NPU too).

Showing my parents my school and some of my students!

In Turi looking over Cuenca :D

Family and host dad!

the not isuzu trooper. 

Hiking through Cajas with the families :)

Seeessterrrr :D

Duna (sister) Cami (niece) and Dad! 

Sarah was so excited! They ran after the cotton candy man!!

Host sister, niece, and dad!

Eating Chancho! With Florencia (mom) Mateo (nephew) David (nephew) and Hugo!

Saying goodbyes (host mom and brother-in-law)

With my parents, host parents, and sister. 

Travel, stress, and family fun!!

Well it has been awhile, quite a busy while I must say. But I am alive and well (PTL). The past two weeks were awesome...mixed in with the feeling of being overwhelmed; hence my absence.

I went to the Galapagos! Yes this is real. Thinking back, remember in October when I suddenly had a desire to go to the galapagos? I know I whined to a few people about this desire...thinking it was too out of reach, yet secretly hoping this dream would come true. And it did! I can't even express how thankful I am for my parents and the time we got to spend together, especially in those islands way out in the pacific. And my sister, she's amazing, we all had a wonderful time. Of course we missed "my two boys."
I think it may be overwhelming (not a feeling I want anyone to have to feel right now) to tell you aaalllll the details about the galapagos. But feel free to ask!! I will make a photo album on facebook with many of the photos :D. and maybe post one just as a tease.

The beach on Isabela Island where we swam one afternoon :)

After our quick 4 days out in the middle of nowhere, we came back to the beloved Cuenca!!! Oh how exciting that was; for my family to meet my ecuadorian family. We had a beautiful night, followed by a marvelous week. School on the other hand, was close to torture that week: not a happy camper studier. But we got through it! Annnnddd I got to spend a whole day with my families (see what I did there ;) ) in the beautiful national park of Cajas!!! Then we went to a restaurant where I had quite an experience with a fish. And then onto the Cuenca soccer game that night!!!

The next day, just as fun, was full of a market with roasted pigs where we ate chancho, then another town with some jewelry browsing, and then onto extended family!! And we had a ball (literally) playing soccer! Too many years had passed me by without that game, and it was a perfect return. The family, the sport, the pain; everything was so good. On the car ride back home, we sang rolling in the deep by adele, I wish everyone could hear my host nephew david sing this song. Pure joy, what a kid. We returned home, and had smoked salmon (thanks dad) with cream cheese and ritz crackers, OMG amazing.

I gave my host dad a mariner's hat, he was so happy, and he's been wearing it since :) we also shared girl scout cookies together :) Not to mention the pop rocks, which were a hit. I brought homemade cookies to my staff meeting, and the other teachers asked for the recipe. I gave homemade brownies to my professor and his family. I love sharing a bit of my home and the US american culture. There is something so special about homemade baked goods, thanks family :)

Sunday afternoon I said goodbye to my family, after a wonderful day at church and baños: natural hot springs. I cried, the first time I have ever cried on a goodbye. I love them so much. I walked back to the car with my host brother-in-law and he hugged me and walked with me as I cried. I tried to swallow it but the tears came without my approval. Juan said, "chocolate para la pena" handing me a mani chocolate bar. Thankfully he talked on the way back, cause it was hard for me. But I think that is a sign of a wonderful week, and a fantastic family :)